Musar para sa Mga Kawikaan 17:10

But the one who does not get aroused by the voice of his rebukers will double his iniquities. For they reprimanded him and he hardened his heart - as it is stated (Proverbs 17:10-11), "A rebuke works on an intelligent man, more than one hundred blows on a fool. An evil man seeks only to rebel; a cruel messenger will be sent against him." The explanation is that the evil man will not submit to the voice of the rebukers. Rather he will seek to rebel. And since he did not stop from the words of the reprimanding angel, a cruel angel will be sent against him - measure for measure. For rebukers are called angels (malakhim, which literally means messengers), as it is stated (II Chronicles 36:16), "But they mocked the messengers of God and disdained His words and taunted His prophets." And King Solomon, peace be upon him, also said (Proverbs 15:10), "Discipline seems bad to him who forsakes the way; he who spurns rebuke will die." Its explanation is [that] it is true that harsh rebuke is appropriate for one who has forsaken the way and transgresses the words of the Torah. However there is hope that he will take the rebuke and repent from his evil way. But worse than him is one who hates rebuke. For he has no hope and rectification from harsh rebuke. Rather his one verdict is to die. For one who does a transgression - his desire overpowered him and the impulse pushed him. But it is likely that his soul is bitter about that which he was [not stronger] in the face of his impulse. And maybe he longs for reprimand and hopes for reproof. But one who hates reprimand has already abandoned his soul; and his hatred for reprimand will be a proof that he hates the words of God, may He be blessed.

The love of sons and daughters: The love of sons and daughters is necessitated by nature, for they are the bone from his bone and flesh from his flesh, and even "a raven cares for its children" (Ketubot 49b). But one must take care that his love does not overturn boundaries, that he does not make his son suffer and longs for him greatly and gives him extra love. Shlomo has already said in his wisdom (Proverbs 13:24) "One who spares his rod hates his son, but one who loves him rebukes him." And the essence of love is love of the soul, and included in this is love of oneself, for "the son gives merit to the father" (Sanhedrin 104a). As it is written (ibid 29:17): "Punish your son and he will give delicacies to your soul." Therefore, a person should be careful to behave with his son with open rebuke and hidden love, according to what he understands in his youth. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a youth, a rod of rebuke will distance him from it" (ibid 22:15). But the father should take care not to be cruel to his child and not to hit him and give him a bruise out of anger. Rather he should lead him with gentleness and with mercy he should hit his legs, not on a place where he will sustain a wound like between the eyes. And when he is older, "a rebuke enters deeper into a man of understanding" (ibid 17:10). And it is known (Moed Katan 17a): that he who hits his adult son transgresses because of the sin of putting a stumbling block before a blind person, etc. This does not refer to an actual adult, rather according to the son's understanding and character traits" when he is older and does not accept rebuke, "a soft tongue breaks the bone" (Proverbs 25:15) and he will not be lenient in his own honor so that his reputation will not be ruined. And he [the father] needs to be even more careful with that which our rabbi cautioned (Shabbat 10b): One should not teach his son when he is among other boys, for "jealousy is as difficult as the grave" (Song of Songs 8:6). The principle is: according to the mental ability and character traits of the son is how a father needs to behave with him in a way that he will not sin. If he does sin against him, he should be quick to forgive him so his son will not be punished on account of him, and he should not be exacting with them, and sometimes he should make himself like a deaf person who does not hear and as if he does not see, and sometimes he should submit his will to their will. And this is a major principle for one who wants to bring merit to his soul and the souls of his sons after him.

And a man may flatter his wife for the sake of peace in his home, and he may flatter his creditor so that he does not oppress him, and his teacher so that he will teach him Torah. And it is a very good deed to flatter one's pupils or companions so that that they will study and hearken to his words, accepting his reproof to observe the commandments. Likewise one may flatter any man where he thinks that he will thereby draw him to him, so that he will listen to him, and perform the commandments. If he were to come to him with anger, the man would not listen to him, but if he comes to him with flattery, the man will accept his rebuke. In such a case, it is a very good deed to flatter him in order to bring forth the precious from the vile. For there is a man that will not accept a rebuke when it is delivered with scolding, but will when it is done gently, as it is said, "The words of the wise spoken in quiet" (Eccl. 9. 17). There are times, however, when scolding is necessary, as it is said, "A rebuke entereth deeper into a man of understanding" (Prov. 17:10). And there are times when even a lashing is proper, as it is said, "And stripes for the back of fools" (Prov. 19:29). And there are times when even a lashing will do no good, as it is said, "Than a hundred stripes unto a fool" (Prov. 17:10). If so, what shall we do to him? There is no way of correcting him, therefore you must drive him away.